FOODFIC: Luckiest Girl Alive - Jessica Knoll

I immediately connected with heroine Ani FaNelli for the same reason I snort/cry-laugh at certain comedians* – her/their observations are just so true.

Ani gets me right away by sharing her contempt for her future wedding china. No bride wants to hear the ugly truth that she is going to end up with six bread plates, four salad plates, and eight dinner plates and then one day will take it upon herself to complete the set, only to discover the pattern will have been discontinued years ago. (Trust me, if not for Replacements.com, I would’ve quit searching Lenox warehouses, smashed one of my perfect little saucers, and used it to cut myself to stop the madness.

But back to Ani, who keeps me with her decision to snap out of this dreary future montage by going for a slice of the Patsy’s pizza she’s been fantasizing about since last Thursday – the comfort-food craving certainly exacerbated by the restrictive pre-wedding diet she, like any proper bride-to-be, has been enslaved by.

Her fiancé, Luke, on the other hand, turns me off instantly by announcing that he is not even hungry. Huh? What kind of guy isn’t hungry for pizza? From Patsy’s? I’m quickly seeing why Ani had to fight off the urge to stab him with the Shun back at Williams-Sonoma!

And then – then! – he goes on to criticize her drink choice (Montepulciano)! He’s not hungry for pizza, he thinks it’s too hot for red wine…at this point, I’m ready to red Sharpie the next page and wave it in Ani’s face. We’re only on page 3 and all I want is an invitation to this imaginary wedding so that I can jump up and object at the “forever hold your peace” part.

Okay, maybe I’m being a tad extreme. Perhaps Luke does have some (though probably not food-related) redeeming qualities. And perhaps this pizza-loving, wine-guzzling heroine isn’t all that perfect herself. I mean, if she really is like me, she’ll turn out to have a list of flaws longer than a Jersey diner menu. But my gut tells me I’ll be much forgiving of her faults than his. It also tells me to take this book and catch the next train to 69^th Street…


*Do not read into this observation that Ani is funny. Or that this novel is. Neither is true. Trust me.